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I'm Chevy Chase… and you're not.

unphh:

kuntsnuggles:

I have this problem where ‘the other day’ for me ranges from yesterday to around 5 years ago

and ‘a friend of mine’ is literally anybody i’ve ever heard of whose opinion i like

(via eli-manning)

phobias:

i need a cuddle buddy, must be ok with listening to my music and spending 13 hours in bed together

(via lohanthony)

sluttymistletoe:

fuckin aquata

(Source: subtubitles, via joshpeck)

(Source: fyspringfield.com, via joshpeck)

forgotteninferno:

glittertitties:

paper-planes-and-toy-trains:

you are my sunshine

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my only sunshine

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you make me happy

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when skies are gray

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you’ll never know dear

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how much i love you

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please dont take

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my sunshine away

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this is the most beautiful post i have ever seen I’m my life

This makes me a happy Irish man

(Source: spell-i-c-u-p, via abbsolutely-crazy)

Straight White Boy Problem #385

straightwhiteboyproblems:

*in class* why do we need to know this
*in drivers ed* why do we need to know this
*reading prices at stores* why do we need to need to know this
*kim kardashian article on yahoo home page* why do we need to know this
*looking at electoral ballot* why do we need to know this
*reads protein powder nutritional information* its imperative to know how many scoops of powder I must obtain for maximum output of body mass in as little time as possible

(via abbsolutely-crazy)

ostracizedpoodle:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions

(via abbsolutely-crazy)

What You Crave vs What You Need

Chocolate: Raw nuts/seeds.
Oily/Fatty Snacks: Kale, leafy greens.
Soda/Carbonated Drinks: Actual, literal bubbles.
Chips/Salty Food: Topsoil.
Cookies: Freudian psychology.
Sweet Tea: A strong Southern gentleman to take care of you.
Pasta/Carbs: Pasta/Carbs.
Ice: The sweet release of death.

imnotamisandristbut:

I’m not a misandrist, but a few quick questions:

If men can’t even make their own sandwiches, why are they allowed to make bills in congress?

If men can’t control their own sexual urges, why are they allowed to control nations?

If a woman’s legs/shoulders are enough to distract a man, how can we trust them to stay focused on things like open heart surgery or judging a murder trial?

Again not a misandrist, some of my best friends are guys and i’m even dating one.

(via joshpeck)

221bbarricade:

favabean05:

staticdiplomat:

pickyourheartupoffthefloor:

the-goddamazon:

lancrebitch:

crunchierkatie:

i love seeing girls close ranks when their fella is cheating, instead of defending him and attacking the other girls. like seriously. it warms my cold, cold heart so much. 

i need the rest of this story, where did you put the body

I’ve always wanted to do this. I hope they all went out for ice cream later too.

i want an update on this

FUCKING AMAZING

FORCED TO FLEE WITH HIS NAN

Charlie Fisher was met by the girls shouting “liar, liar” as he walked out of arrivals.

A cheating boyfriend got his comeuppance when he touched down in the UK following a holiday – and walked straight into his three girlfriends.

Charlie Fisher, 20, had barely set foot on English soil at Luton Airport when he heard someone shouting ‘liar, liar’ – and saw the three girls he had been seeing being each other’s backs marching towards him.

Becky Connery, 17, said she planned the (not so) welcome party after finding out her love rat boyfriend had been texting a girl behind her back.

‘He came out and froze,’ she told The Sun.

The girls found each other through text and Facebook and hatched the plan (Picture: Lizzie Leeland-Cunningham)

‘We started calling him a cheat and a liar really loudly. He didn’t have anything to say.’

After seeing the message, Becky got in touch with the 20-year-old girl – who does not want to be identified – and together, the pair found a third girl through Facebook, Lizzie Leeland-Cunningham.

‘I just wanted to see his face when all three of us were in the same place,’ Lizzie, 19, told The Sun.

Becky later said that after confronting her cheating ex, he ‘ran to his nana’.

Charlie, from Hertfordshire, would invent friends and lie about family commitments in order to juggle the three girls, according to reports.

http://metro.co.uk/2014/09/16/rumbled-cheating-boyfriends-three-girlfriends-confront-him-together-at-airport-4870812/

(Source: twirpy, via eli-manning)

shrek one: bad
shrek two: the funniest movie i have ever seen. literally one of the funniest comedies of all time. incredible pacing and dialogue. reference jokes that were actually funny. surreal world that was so modern fantasy it actually worked. rocking score. awesome scene set to "i need a hero" being sung by the villain unironically and completely played straight. a bar of villains. just overall the best concepts ever.
shrek three: bad
shrek four: bad

sarahmac2301:

bat-little-boy:

EMMA WATSON STANDS UP TO TURKISH PRIME MINISTER’S SEXISM

KEKE PALMER TO PLAY THE FIRST BLACK CINDERELLA ON BROADWAY

SONY ANNOUNCED THEY’RE GONNA DO A FEMALE SUPERHERO MOVIE FROM THE SPIDER-MAN UNIVERSE

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS

BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST IVE HEARD ABOUT IT

(via incredibru)

some-newtype-bullshit:

EVERY PART OF THIS IS WRONG

(Source: mastaroshi78, via joshpeck)

atlanticcoastprep:

Scott disick is my favorite kardashian

(Source: lamourexiste, via joshpeck)

(Source: laurenjaurequis, via joshpeck)